No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
