Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
