dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
