Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
