it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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