he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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