Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
