Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
