what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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