so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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