oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
