im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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