...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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