First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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