New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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