We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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