remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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