it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
