you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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