Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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