And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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