the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
