So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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