i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
