This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My cat gives me a boner
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
