im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he shaved USA in his pubs
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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