Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
