just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
