I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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