so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
3pm strippers are depressing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
