Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
