ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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