he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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