Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
