I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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