I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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