I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
