My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You pole danced in your parka.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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