he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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