sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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