what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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