yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
