Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
