She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
