It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
