i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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