Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
