I smell stomach acid.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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