He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
