why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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