I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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