She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
