so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize