I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
