You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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