you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
