is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
