does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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