i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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