I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
