i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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